i am starting to realize that life moves on, that where i live and who i live with is a unique function of my current life circumstances. and to take advantage while i can, as opposed to saving every cent. that path of least resistance will change.

in the past i used to live with very outdoors people, again by chance. i found a cheap place to stay and the people who already lived there were outdoors friends who went on trips every weekend. i could just join their trips, borrow their equipment, and all with minimal cost and energy. we also had house parties at least once a season. since we all had large social groups (e.g. my roommates belonged to big student organizations and were leaders there). i always met new people or caught up with mutual friendquaintances at these parties. semi-spontaneous trips happened even when it was freezing or raining, or required getting up at 5am or ended at 2am. the focus was on social drama and feeling pressured to be too hardcore. people often cooked and ate together or shared food.

right now, none of my roommates are very social or organizing-oriented. house parties are just my parties with people i already know. my roommate’s friends do not show up, and friends-of-friends are rare.

that was a particularly bad time of my life personally, co-founding my startup was stressful, i had no job security and didn’t know about masshealth, i was paid little, i had major self-esteem issues from MIT, i was constantly cold due to poor insulation + saving on heat, i was perpetually confused about my not-relationship, and other issues like sharing one bathroom with 5-6 people. so i don’t want to go back necessarily.

i am just more appreciative now of a time in my life that i tried to forget for many years due to the painful memories.

my roomates now are great. but half of us are over thirty, and that half has physical-mental issues of getting injured and life stresses, so the path of least resistance would be hanging out by watching tv or movies or youtube or playing video games or getting takeout. we are busy with work or school, and gone are the late nights of hacking on random extremely nerdy side projects.

is losing bits of my identity the price to pay for being happier?

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for a while after undergrad time, since i grew up sheltered and well-fed, i had no sense of money and instead my only idea of budgeting was to spend as little as possible.

the idea of setting aside money to spend guilt-free on having fun each month was a revelation.

but the last few years, between taking leave without my phd stipend and living off of contract work, and then not having income and borrowing money later when I focused on writing my thesis to graduate, and then not having a job lined up, budgeting became hard again (how do i budget when i don’t know my income next month, or when i’ll next have income? how can i avoid borrowing money for as long as possible?). i reverted back to a feeling of scarcity.

now that i have some savings and some prospect of a job soon, my feeling of every dollar being an irrationally difficult decision has eased a lot. i am starting to think of rent in terms of paying to live close to my friends, and take-out as a worthwhile budget item rather than a stressful slightly guilty experience (with better planning, could I have avoided it).

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i went to my pcp for my (apparently technically every two years) annual checkup. all’s well, but she mentioned looking into strength training now that i’m in my thirties.

the gym nearest to me is expensive. but i know i can go there regularly, as it’s a six minute walk and they close at 11pm. their fixed joining fee also dropped to $50 from $80. and finally, my current roommate goes to the gym 3-4x a week and has volunteered to teach me weightlifting. this seems like a very unique set of life circumstances.

so i’ve decided to try taking advantage of it! my current plan is:

https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=149807833&page=1

it has been very path of least resistance. and instead of figuring out some precise workout, it’s just “do as many until it’s hard to more, then rest.” i have some sense of posture from a hand-stands class i took, so that helps.

routine has been hard. i find it hard to cut social situations short, and it’s easy to say that i’ll go later or tomorrow instead. but i’ve seen the results this week: i didn’t make it in at all. so i’ll make a conscious effort to prioritize exercise more. when something comes up, gym comes first and other stuff can wait. at least until i can build more of a habit.

i keep in mind from atomic habits: just strive for 1% better each day.

i’ve also come to understand that one day, i will get injured or frail. and i will have to try to push and work to get 1% better each day just to get back to independent living. so it is good to do this now and build confidence that all this does add up and activities that are hard now will get easier in finite time. that e.g. taking the stairs instead of the escalator is a meaningful amount of investment in myself. even if it’s not something i can brag about, or recount stories about, or i’m just plain tired. if i am unsure and on the fence about investing 1% in myself, i will default to opt-in instead of opt-out.

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i think that’s all for now. i’ll have to write about my gardening and sailing another day …