seeds vary in size and shape so dramatically, definitely cool.
om-g my parents got their first vaccine
still sinking in slowly, feel super super super privileged compared to friends with parents elsewhere T__T and friends who lost their relatives / grandparents :(((
being positive! people respond well to positive not negative, really gotta emphasize that this is just all a side effect of general anger offgassing :'(
i found dr. michelle au’s twitter and it’s honestly really refreshingly .. normal. love her newsletter’s (i should probably find a way to give feedback on that)
being true to myself – just have to keep that route and do things that feel right by me; what works for others won’t work for me, and there’s many paths that will work out just fine, so don’t stress too much about taking paths that will stress me out (grass is greener but green enough here)
apply to jobs is depressing, but trying to treat it as a learning experience !
the feeling of being used for research, which is published and then put in news and used for grants and meanwhile i — don’t be bitter, just be okay and remember who you are – you’ve come so far! remember when you thought publishing a paper would never happen?
it’s hard to hold on to indignant self-worth but (idk i’m fine)
anyway
plus you had a poster (should follow up on connections from that…)
i told people that the internet is a depressing place
by on reflection THE WORLD IS A DEPRESSING PLACE
idk does it give me more empathy for black people in the US? to feel like (total metaphor) suddenly realizing that i have a third arm, and that it’s very obvious and i might get shot for it? to feel other… still remember getting on a flight to (or within?) china and it feels totally different to be part of the faceless majority. but most of the time i don’t feel it in the us, it was just briefly after
some whacko dude shot up a few massage parlors and killed
on the plus side i was outside because my parents both just got vaccinated!!!! sweet fishsticks on a platter
ugh i just constantly make my life difficult for no reason… why be mad about all this, just apply to internships. why care about COVID, just get your work done. why care about the elections, just get your work done. why care about kroger being a d**k and closing stores in response to unionization attempts (though later i read that sometimes they plan to close stores anyway and then pretend it was in retaliation for that nice sweet chilling effect). in the end there wasn’t a better store than kroger, other than home depot; target has treated their workers well, but they’re also an extra 40 mins round trip, which is not great gas-wise. so, kroger curbside and try to tip i guess.
just mad at myself, mad at my friends, mad at strangers, mad at the world.
why are the names not being released? where is the gofundme for the businesses? if they were “illicit massage businesses” as the term goes, can we not still support them through tragedy?
it has done me proud to watch michelle au (who turns out to be 1st gen chinese american) in the GA state senate denouncing this stuff on monday: https://twitter.com/bluestein/status/1372178408034107395, and I choked back a tear when senator warnock opened his first floor speech to reference this. https://twitter.com/bluestein/status/1372299201430839300
i think people do tend to skirt around this though: why are all the shooters men? what is going wrong? why would anyone sane think “i’m not racist, i just have a sex addiction, and the way to deal with it is to kill women, specifically asian spas with asian women”
in what world is it “i have a problem, to solve it i will kill women” ??
who are the people who died? will the news cycle move on before we even get their names?
totally defying best practices for journalists but fortunately this is jut my derpy totally non technical apparently blog
thoughts from work
would universal basic income reduce dangerous prostitution? i tell people it’s probably more effective and less harmful to work on financial independence than “rescues” or “deterrents”
why is it that
i feel so insecure, like i need to prove that i’m technical, that i do worthy work even if i’m unpaid
yet i am mad that no doubt none of my male engineer friends will spend time reading these books, but why am i mad at them? i have the whole world to be mad at. i guess it is the only part i can control. but i will just be treated as the hysterical person… rather than being able to share all these cool insights and cool research, i sit here alone…
the moment of lift takeaways
probably trigger warnings for suicide idk. my saddest takeaway
the moment of lift, page 262
jesus. that’s just straight up heartbreaking.
the moment of lift, page 252
kids, kids, kids. these books all talk about it all the time. i’m mad about this. i just want to talk about careers. but the whole idea of time poverty… that was another eye opener for me
time poverty – my most wtf takeaway
the moment of lift, page 127
rice desires according to gender roles – breaking backs – my “huh never thought of that” takeaway
i was surprised to hear majority – turns out this is because >64% of Georgians are overweight or obese
that’s depressing
also i have only to gain 10 lbs to be eligible which seems very do-able, but j/k i will just wait 3 weeks until i am eligible which
holy bananas we blew past 1 million vaccinations a day, it’s insane, i thought my parents might be eligible end of april and i eligible end of june or july or something
it felt suddenly like the pandemic – that it was over – that i could just fly back to boston the next day
but i’m refusing to fly until i’m fully vaccinated, i just don’t feel like it’s setting a good example (there i am, making my life difficult, even worse judging others at the same time)
the other book i am reading is invisible women, i thought it would just rehash everything i’ve heard 30 times already. but turns out definitely several cool anecdotes i’d never heard / thought about. sadly almost all of them are about women taking care of kids T__T sigh
okay, find literature about women being powerful narcissistic power hungry rich b*tchy fafo’s (vs mofo’s) and being rewarded for it
ok ugh i need to do all the work (that i am unpaid for great) like legit i fear being paid because i fear failure and what the dickens is up with that?? somehow in the last 4 months i’ve lost my indignant sense of self-worth again
