Pandemic Diary #43 – silhouette clip art, and being a bundle of rage

does the first page of results for silhouette on free clip art search really need to include silhouette porn?? really????

at least it took until the 6th page of results for woman to get into straight out full-color porn

i told people that the internet is a depressing place


idk does it give me more empathy for black people in the US? to feel like (total metaphor) suddenly realizing that i have a third arm, and that it’s very obvious and i might get shot for it? to feel other… still remember getting on a flight to (or within?) china and it feels totally different to be part of the faceless majority. but most of the time i don’t feel it in the us, it was just briefly after

some whacko dude shot up a few massage parlors and killed

on the plus side i was outside because my parents both just got vaccinated!!!! sweet fishsticks on a platter

ugh i just constantly make my life difficult for no reason… why be mad about all this, just apply to internships. why care about COVID, just get your work done. why care about the elections, just get your work done. why care about kroger being a d**k and closing stores in response to unionization attempts (though later i read that sometimes they plan to close stores anyway and then pretend it was in retaliation for that nice sweet chilling effect). in the end there wasn’t a better store than kroger, other than home depot; target has treated their workers well, but they’re also an extra 40 mins round trip, which is not great gas-wise. so, kroger curbside and try to tip i guess.

just mad at myself, mad at my friends, mad at strangers, mad at the world.

why are the names not being released? where is the gofundme for the businesses? if they were “illicit massage businesses” as the term goes, can we not still support them through tragedy?

it has done me proud to watch michelle au (who turns out to be 1st gen chinese american) in the GA state senate denouncing this stuff on monday:, and I choked back a tear when senator warnock opened his first floor speech to reference this.

i think people do tend to skirt around this though: why are all the shooters men? what is going wrong? why would anyone sane think “i’m not racist, i just have a sex addiction, and the way to deal with it is to kill women, specifically asian spas with asian women”

in what world is it “i have a problem, to solve it i will kill women” ??

who are the people who died? will the news cycle move on before we even get their names?

totally defying best practices for journalists but fortunately this is jut my derpy totally non technical apparently blog

thoughts from work

would universal basic income reduce dangerous prostitution? i tell people it’s probably more effective and less harmful to work on financial independence than “rescues” or “deterrents”

why is it that

i feel so insecure, like i need to prove that i’m technical, that i do worthy work even if i’m unpaid

yet i am mad that no doubt none of my male engineer friends will spend time reading these books, but why am i mad at them? i have the whole world to be mad at. i guess it is the only part i can control. but i will just be treated as the hysterical person… rather than being able to share all these cool insights and cool research, i sit here alone…

the moment of lift takeaways

probably trigger warnings for suicide idk. my saddest takeaway

the moment of lift, page 262

jesus. that’s just straight up heartbreaking.

the moment of lift, page 252

kids, kids, kids. these books all talk about it all the time. i’m mad about this. i just want to talk about careers. but the whole idea of time poverty… that was another eye opener for me

time poverty – my most wtf takeaway

the moment of lift, page 127

rice desires according to gender roles – breaking backs – my “huh never thought of that” takeaway

the moment of lift, page 196

majority of GAins eligible for vaccines

i was surprised to hear majority – turns out this is because >64% of Georgians are overweight or obese

that’s depressing

also i have only to gain 10 lbs to be eligible which seems very do-able, but j/k i will just wait 3 weeks until i am eligible which

holy bananas we blew past 1 million vaccinations a day, it’s insane, i thought my parents might be eligible end of april and i eligible end of june or july or something

it felt suddenly like the pandemic – that it was over – that i could just fly back to boston the next day

but i’m refusing to fly until i’m fully vaccinated, i just don’t feel like it’s setting a good example (there i am, making my life difficult, even worse judging others at the same time)

the other book i am reading is invisible women, i thought it would just rehash everything i’ve heard 30 times already. but turns out definitely several cool anecdotes i’d never heard / thought about. sadly almost all of them are about women taking care of kids T__T sigh

okay, find literature about women being powerful narcissistic power hungry rich b*tchy fafo’s (vs mofo’s) and being rewarded for it

ok ugh i need to do all the work
(that i am unpaid for great) like legit i fear being paid because i fear failure and what the dickens is up with that?? somehow in the last 4 months i’ve lost my indignant sense of self-worth again