the end of 2023

life is kinda weird nowadays,

around the end of the china trip i really stopped wearing masks for the most part, if i forgot my mask i wouldn’t make any effort to get one / go back. now in the US the last time i wore a mask was when i thought i had a sore throat.

i’ve been in a weird mood all year. it’s weird that many of my peers are graduating after me, weird that some friends have drifted out and others have drifted in, weird to not be working on something i care about or being bitter about life or mired in a sense of how i could’ve and should’ve done better and forgiven more and worked harder

it’s sometimes difficult to cleanse the mindset instilled in me with every day of grad school, that hard work doesn’t pay off and matters little in the end

i just feel like my understanding of the world has really narrowed in scope. but maybe it’s okay to have seasons of ambition and seasons of recovery. i’m not sure. in some sense i have a much better sense of self-worth and who i am than as a 20 year old. but in other ways, i’m not even sure of my name.

i am hopeful though

mostly, i miss my cat

blog posts coming up shortly hopefully about graduation, thesis writing, china, and the job application (and life) process. maybe cat budgets, ogame, weekly get-togethers and cooking, and animal crossing, who knows.