Pandemic Diary #12, 03 Jun 2020

quite quite stressed.

feelings: ignorant for wanting to understand police side more by default, guilty for not reading up on BLM before, stressed about COVID and protests, for talking about my own experiences, weird to be the one bringing it up in group slack?, confused that i am not instant deep friends with labmates (or something lol), useless for not completing any coding for my class this semester, stressed to update my portfolio to prove I can code, bought a ebook online for the first time (anti racism), upset that my parents are going to stores more regularly, stressed about them buying a used laundry machine that leaks, that my dad never even puts his dish in the sink after he’s done eating, that i’m not learning chinese efficiently enough watching tv dramas to be worth the time, that i’ve wasted too much time in my life, that i’m not hardworking enough and would fail out as an immigrant (well, that’s definitely the case), reflecting that i’ve come a long way since i was out-of-control depressed, wanting to do startups / hack on code, feeling like i know how to write bash scripts but not real large code projects, simultaneously feel frustrated to be working with people who don’t know how to version control, use branches, and do peer review, stressed that my cat is possibly angry at me for reducing calories again, not sure if i’ll ever get her happy to use the harness, bought cat and sewing machine things on amazon that weren’t at all essential and feel bad about that, stressed about trying to keep up with ICRA, miserable about having only one paper after three years, miserable to not be doing any COVID activism and keeping up with the news, to worry about my friends and wonder proactively try to feel safe to talk to or i should ignore them, guilty that i am not doing more of the cooking and chores around the house

i think the cat is definitely angry at me, the mews sound different

maybe that is all?

saw lightning bugs today!! up to ep 18 on the oh my general drama. uncomfortable: gender swap, but is it feminist?

icra conference – sourcing – label images – run yolo – paper

ICRA happy hour, losing steam…